I am sick of, absolutely sick of people thinking I can’t do something. It’s depressing and frustrating. It’s like sorry fuck you, what gives you the right to decide that I cannot do something because I am a girl or because I am a student.
I’m starting to believe I don’t handle stressful situations very well. Always thought I did; but very recently so much stuff is going on that I tend to feel depressed and just lie around. Sure I do stuff, like I don’t necessarily shirk my responsibilities, but I have no motivation so it seems to do well, to take any initiative in life, more specifically educationally or career wise. I do what I need to do and that’s it.
Which in itself becomes even more depressing.
My roommate is HIV positive, he is one of my best friends, I don’t know what to do. It’s been a year now since I’ve known; he is starting on the drugs very soon. So to add to this generally normal stress and frustration of growing up; I have this additional weight on my shoulders, not that it’s my responsibility to take care of him or support him. But in all simplicity my best friend is slowly dying, and there is nothing I can do about it. I find myself crying more often then I typically do. And although I am not as uninformed as most, generally I am still quite ignorant to the facts on his virus. So I find it hard to connect with him sometimes, and too many things go unsaid, that probably shouldn’t. I am not in his shoes how do I relate, I can’t comfort him, I can’t say everything is going to be ok.