just me venting, i find writting the very best way to blow off some stream or reduce some stress
Published on August 26, 2007 By M. ADAM In Blogging
I am sick of, absolutely sick of people thinking I can’t do something. It’s depressing and frustrating. It’s like sorry fuck you, what gives you the right to decide that I cannot do something because I am a girl or because I am a student.

I’m starting to believe I don’t handle stressful situations very well. Always thought I did; but very recently so much stuff is going on that I tend to feel depressed and just lie around. Sure I do stuff, like I don’t necessarily shirk my responsibilities, but I have no motivation so it seems to do well, to take any initiative in life, more specifically educationally or career wise. I do what I need to do and that’s it.
Which in itself becomes even more depressing.

My roommate is HIV positive, he is one of my best friends, I don’t know what to do. It’s been a year now since I’ve known; he is starting on the drugs very soon. So to add to this generally normal stress and frustration of growing up; I have this additional weight on my shoulders, not that it’s my responsibility to take care of him or support him. But in all simplicity my best friend is slowly dying, and there is nothing I can do about it. I find myself crying more often then I typically do. And although I am not as uninformed as most, generally I am still quite ignorant to the facts on his virus. So I find it hard to connect with him sometimes, and too many things go unsaid, that probably shouldn’t. I am not in his shoes how do I relate, I can’t comfort him, I can’t say everything is going to be ok.

Comments
on Aug 27, 2007
see thats part of the problem though, allthough my friend knows this as well as i do, he makes no if not little effort to change both his dietary and physical activity habits, i realize that yes this is hard, changing your habits is hard, but seeing as there was a little bit of motivation to do so...
obviously i don't see everything he eats and everything he does. i've encouraged him to join a gym, he has free use of my bike, rollerblades, and yoga ball, he even has the spare bike lock key. and yet none of things have been moved in quite some time. in an effort to get him to eat healthy, it has become a household effort .. cause let's face it it's not going to work if i am unhealthy in front of him, i also realize this cannot happen over night, as eating habits are hard to change like any other habit. but when i spend 100$ in groceries buying healthy stuff for his luches to work like yogurt, and fruit, and little cans of perrier to help him stop drinking caffinated pops, then pops in general. and i come home 2 days later to find crap in the fridge, basically the unhealthy or less healthy versions of what i just bought. i bought 2 blue menue frozen dinners, so on the odd day he could bring a hot luch, but still healthier for about $2.99 each. he buys 6 of the cheapest @ $1.79 no name crap, clog your arteries.
i've offered to sneek him into my gym at school discounted, claiming he is my brother.

so many other little things such as this that make me worry weather any effort is truly being made. i know being HIV positive is not a death sentance in the same way it used to be, i know this. but when i see him, not really caring so it seems it might as well be. it's his life, and their is only so much i will say, but the amount of effort people put in not just myself but others around him, to help him out, the changes that have made to our lives because we care so much for him, it just frustrates me to see him like this, cause i can't fix it. he has a history of depression, so i don't vent to him, why make things worse. i suspect that he might be depressed again and for a good reason, but that this might also be why he lacks the certain motivation to change. and again i can't fix it, and there is only so much support i can provides, i am not living the same experience; but i give him all i have, perhaps even to the detriment of myself, as my school work and work life seem to suffer the more he makes me worry, which again makes me think maybe i don't handle stressful situations very well.
on Aug 27, 2007
I believe the best you can do in that situation is be there for him whilst recognising he will want to be his own person, and want to do things his way. An HIV person needs a "best friend" who is there for them without being overbaring, supportive but respecting their own space - almost (as a loose analogy) in the way a good parent will deal with someone in their late teens. Get too close and neither benefit. Talking to another HIV person is a great idea, and would be complimented by a similar private chat with a good HIV support group to get practical advice.

You sure get my vote for the concern and help you are giving, too few do regretably. Just dont get to the extreme of wrecking your own plans as well, I doubt your friend would want that.
on Sep 04, 2007
Hey mate..

If you wanna have a chat with me sometime email me..

weboflifes@gmail.com

cheers!

PB